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Special Corner - Wayne's Writings and Poems Freedom Quest January 13, 2010

Late afternoon found me sitting in my rocker pondering the many voices that have come to me from many places. Some, I suppose, were just from my own vivid imagination. Others seemed to be the voice of Angels or at the least the voice of some departed spirit. The voices on the TV and the radio are constantly in the background of all my affairs except for lying down and having a nap or to sleep.

Yet it was my own mind that was in control of the many voices and my own thinking controlled what I wanted to hear. This control was like a power trip to my being. I could control my thoughts and can harbour any thoughts that I wish or reject any of them for that matter. Yes, I was in control. I was in control, at least, till the time of the big meeting where all the organs were to attend and to voice their opinions about my condition. Now this meeting was long overdue and I was somewhat anxious about it. I was to chair the meeting and allot each one their time on the floor.

I went into the organ room this time, as I wanted to be near the respective organs and hear it from the horse's mouth, so to speak. It was such a creepy feeling to do this trip, as I knew, deep down; here was a major problem that I have been putting off for just too long. But it was certainly time to face the music.

Good afternoon my voice quivered. I would like to call this meeting to order. First order of business will be a report from my brain. Will you please take the chair, Brain? Certainly I will and we can get this meeting rolling as I have some very important other thoughts to attend to, he said. First off ladies and gentlemen, he said, is you all have been working somewhat under your potential and I expect a better performance during the next few years. I am somewhat shocked to see your deteriorating condition this afternoon. He then rambled on about how important it is to keep my physical body in tip top shape, as the thinking process gets somewhat sluggish.

Brain lavishly doled out orders about fitness and the importance of it for the thought process. After reasoning that his stamina was the responsibility of all the organs working as a unit, he finally turned the chair over to the next organ. Lungs finally hobbled up to the podium but stated that he would have to sit down to make his address. He then sat and addressed the meeting as follows. I prefer to sit, as I may be quite some time with this report he gasped out, clearing his throat several times. In a clear and extra loud voice he exclaimed to the brain that if there was any sluggishness within this group that it was his responsibility to rectify the matter.

Lungs were just sputtering mad and there was no holding him back as he gasped out his thoughts in a clear, concise manner. You keep filling me with all kinds of pollutants from sawdust, engine smoke to tobacco smoke, every day so just what do you expect? I just can't function properly at all if you keep me polluted every single day. Lungs looked brain in the eye and said "You make the decisions around here and if you feel I am not operating at full capacity then stop filling me with smoke". Brains was somewhat shaken by the remarks that were made and addressed the meeting again.

I will, at least, consider the importance of your address and I will not set aside your comments as meaningless. Now can I call on Heart to come up to the podium? There was silence for a few minutes then the sound of Heart beating his way to the podium increased. The slow thumping sound of what seemed to be a worn out Heart soon filled the organ chambers.

My dear fellows; I come here with heavy heart and wish only that I was younger and more agile. However here I am and would like to address the meeting. I have been fulfilling my duties as best as possible under the circumstances. I have deteriorated to a condition that has left me with little energy. But hopefully I can still keep pumping enough to keep us all going for a while. He then sat down, as he was seemingly tired and speaking slowly.

He said what you are seeing here is similar to an old dump truck that has worked so hard in a quarry for years. Yes: I feel worn out and my horsepower is sure lacking. The air filters have been clogged up for so long that I don't know it they can ever be cleaned up again. I have to point my finger at Brain now as he pointed at me. Because of your fundamentalist thinking we are all at very high risk. You will not realize that your thinking is not done within your skull. You are but a receiver of thoughts from within and from without. There is just not a real thought of your own ever accomplished because they are not your thoughts. Yet you say, "I am in complete control of my thoughts?" I ask then why is it that the thoughts of others have come into your little mind and you keep thinking that smoking in not really harmful? You let these thoughts override the thoughts of all your organs. Our thoughts keep telling you to stop smoking before it is too late. Let me tell you that this old dump truck is soon going to fail altogether if you don't listen to what we, as your organs, have to say.

This statement set me back on my haunches a little and I thought are these organs capable of talking to me?

At this time old Heart left the podium and sat down beside Lungs. Fundamentalist thinking? I wondered why he would say that. Thinking is not done within my skull, what strange ideas these organs have. I called Circles to the podium, Circles is the nickname given to my circulatory system. Brothers and sisters he said; I am your lifeline. Without my performance each day there is no life in this whole being. I direct this forthcoming message to Brain our master and provider. Brain he said, why do you keep submitting my circuits to restricting chemicals? Do you not realize that it is the chemicals induced into me that are restricting the lifelines to all of us? The constant promises of tomorrow I will exercise and cut back on my smoking just doesn't cut it with me anymore. Even with the blood thinners I am exhausted trying to pass the life force through the restricted lines. It is making a great burden to Heart, Lungs and the rest of us, including you, and the material within that skull. Will you for once and for all listen to your own organs? We are trying to tell you that we can't go on like this, promises just don't work anymore. We have had the Angels tell you in dreams that our life is at the critical mode and to stop smoking or else. We have a voice too and we can come into your thoughts if you will only let us. Are we all not part of a great union? A union of organs working together for the benefit of all of us as a whole?

Circles then stepped down and went back to his seat. My head throbbed and I am sure it was a little jab from Circles, as that throbbing was getting more frequent. What the hell are they trying to pull? Is this some kind of a power play? A coup to take over my thinking? Am I hearing that my thoughts are not my own? Then those thoughts are not mine that say a little smoking won't do much harm. Are these thoughts not my own? These thoughts have been with me for many years and to say they are not my own is ridicules. Now the throbbing increased and I could feel Heart increasing the rhythm, which I am sure was another dig from the organ society. I addressed the meeting again. I am getting some kind of a message here from all of you and I have to reconsider the value of what I am hearing.

It was getting to be a closed case as the thoughts were indeed getting clearer to me as each minute came about. These guys are right, I thought to myself, they are starting to make some sense. Could they be right? Is my body trying to talk to me through the organs? Is this true I thought? I was reaching a state of confusion as all the little voices were running about telling me that it is a crock of lies. Who were these little voices that I have had for many years? Everything was silent. All the voices stopped. A hush was felt in the organ room.

Clearly a new voice came into my head. It was a new voice that told me the truth. "What all those other voices that you are hearing are but your addiction to nicotine". This voice has become most powerful and it had the note of truth attached to it.

Several other organs got to put in there little input with as much emphasis as the first few organs. The message then became very plain. I just had to stop this smoking habit. I was addicted to it and all the voices told me so. My body told me so. It had a voice as strong as any other voice that I had ever heard. I was addicted to nicotine and nicotine had a very powerful voice.

This is just too much, I thought. Am I loosing it or what? These voices are starting to be making a little sense. Certainly I am a very sick man; there is no doubt about it. My thoughts then wandered to a dream that I had before I had my heart attack. In the dream there was a little girl crying at the side of a bed with a man lying motionless on it. She was saying Daddy, Daddy don't die we need you to be with us. Please don't die. Well this I guess was just another voice in a dream, but these voices may be what I need to see past my own addiction. This addiction is no less a disease than cancer or my heart condition. Well I needed help now, and I needed it in the worst way. But how do I battle this addiction? Can this somehow be beaten by me for once and for all?

A plan had to be drawn up and I was good at planning. Especially with a cigarette hanging from your mouth, I thought I heard someone say. That is it! That is it! That is the whole problem. It is those voices that are from outside my body and from where my mind gets thinking material. It is like I keep picking out the wrong thought building material from the storehouse. At last I see the problem; this certainly is a disease and deserves the respect of a major illness.

Yes there are the little signs and the people that say, "Quit for your health" and "stop smoking because of the second hand smoke problems". But these are few and far between and have very little effect on an addicted mind and body. Real help has to come to me and I know the illness that I have can be treated from within. The voices from within now are starting to make more sense. These inner voices are the truth and the truth comes from within. I have to devise a plan to combat this overwhelming disease. And it is forming now from all those little voices, especially from those from deep down within my body. I can do it but it won't be easy. This disease is a form of overactive pride as well. It has many attributes and it is a deceiving enemy. To me it is not on the level at all. It has within its organization millions of helpers that bring addictions of many sorts to many people but it can be beaten. And I will beat it or it will beat me.

The meeting adjourned and it was sunset. Some kind of a feeling came over me that I find hard to explain. It is a feeling that no matter what the odds, a person can overcome an addiction like this if he listens to that voice from within. I can beat this, I thought, and it will be a great accomplishment when I get in a few smoke free days. Now a plan has to start. First I feel that I need a clean space. That is a room where there is no smoking as the smell attracts spirits with tobacco laden phrases to haunt me all day. Quitting is easy and I know this for sure, but staying quit is the problem. There isn't a year that has gone by that I haven't done it for a few months or at least a few weeks.

I was able to quit for Jesus but was let down badly by that effort. This time I will at lest listen attentively to the voices that are constantly bombarding my every sluggish step and the voice that says to slow down and the voice that says I am out of breath after going upstairs. The voice that says take the dog for a walk and leave your nicotine at home The voice that say Daddy I will try to help you all I can to break this habit. I will listen to the voices that said, grandpa, why don't you stop smoking so you can live longer? The voice that I feel that says if dad can do it then so will I. The doctor's voice that says if you keep trying then eventually will make it but you must keep trying. And then there are the silent voices that say just leave him be there is nothing that can be done, it is up to him.

My quest for freedom from nicotine will be through a maze of voices, which brings to mind a saying of my mothers. "If there is anything in the world that is no good then there is always a lot of it" So I can include those many voices along with my mother's saying as well. To seek out and listen to that voice that carries truth will be my success in my quest for freedom.

May we all be granted the freedoms we choose.



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